


|| dying breath | dear evan hansen ||

by SellMyBonesForSapphireStones



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Deserves Happiness, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), M/M, Poor Connor, Suicide, please help this child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 14:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18252143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SellMyBonesForSapphireStones/pseuds/SellMyBonesForSapphireStones
Summary: alone, alone, alone. that's all he'll ever be, until his dying breath.





	|| dying breath | dear evan hansen ||

**Author's Note:**

> TW:  
> suicide, implied/referenced drowning, overdose, implied/referenced death in fire
> 
> hi i'm heartless

sometimes alone is good.

sometimes alone hurts.

_like hell._

because sometimes all you want is to have _someone_ , even if you don't see them.

connor didn't believe in gods or shit like that.

he didn't think anyone would want to save _him._

that's why he was huddled over the bathroom toilet, crying, hurting, all alone. because no one ever wanted to save him.

no one wanted to look at him.

because connor was a fuck up.

he hurt people. for no reason except that he was _selfish_ and _needy_ and always wanted the attention her never got, because he was sad. angry. he hurt his sister, his mom, and other people because he was alone and he was hurting and-

-and he was vomiting.

trying to get the toxins out. he didn't want them _out_.

because no one would care if he just disappeared.

that's why he was on the floor of that all-too-white restroom, the one where zoe taught him how to apply eyeliner correctly, the one where he made her hide.

_selfish._

connor was selfish and that was why he took too many pills.

_'too many'._

this is what he wanted. this is what he deserved for hurting his sister, hurting his mom, hurting _evan_ , oh fuck, _evan_.

evan tried.

evan failed.

why would someone so nice want to be _his_ friend, after everything his done? after all the nicknames, the rumors, the _incidents_ , why would someone care for him!? he's a fuck up, and that's all there is to it. he's selfish, he's needy, he's alone, he's a fucking _loser_ , and he got what he deserved after all these years. he's- _he's-_

_he's dying._

he's drowning.

his head's underwater, and the air is leaving his lungs, and he's closing his eyes, falling asleep, _he-_

_burning._

he hates his body, that's why he's burning it. he knows that it'll burn for hours upon hours, and become so mutilated that no one could even bare to look at him, because he'll look as _fucked up_ as he is inside. his skin will shrivel and his organs will roast, he's gonna _burn_ like he deserves and no one will even bat a fucking eye. he'll die, like he always wanted. _he'll-_

he's back in that _stupid_ restroom, and he's crying.

he's crying like a fucking child, because he's _lonely._

always has been.

it shouldn't bother him.

why did hansen have to be so _nice!?_

if he wasn't, connor wouldn't feel bad for whatever the _fuck_ he was doing now.

what was he doing?

oh, he was swimming.

_swimming._

__...drowning._ _

_he's _alone.__

__alone, alone, alone. that's all he'll ever be, until his dying breath._ _

someone is talking _._

dragging him away.

he reaches for the orange container that was next to him for more pills, but it's kicked away.

__why!?_ _

__why was he so fucking weak!?_ _

_he's selfish, needy,_ and evan shouldn't _bother._

is that his name?

is someone calling for him?

connor smells the scent of freshly baked cookies. chocolate chip, and he's home.

_he's _home.__

_hansen and zoe are _home__

__he's alone._ _

__alone, alone, alone. that's all he'll ever be, until his dying breath._ _

_or is he?_


End file.
